Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Too Far, Iron Chef

[Scene: Me, in my room, futzing around on my piano, about 8 minutes into the escargot episode episode of the Japanese version of Iron Chef]

Chairman Kaga's Voiceover: ...Aristocrats of Medieval Europe described the best portion of these snails as "The Lady's Sweat"
CKV: 'Lady,' of course, referring to the snail itself, and sap points to the juicy broth that collect at the bottom of the shell when cooking escargot. It is not the meat of escargot that is best, it is in fact the juices left in the shells. So, don't waste a drop of "The Lady's Sweat." [This is accompanied by softcore-pornographic shots of vaguely viscous green liquid being poured from a snail shell]

It's rare to encounter something in the culinary world that sounds as unappetizing as "The Lady's Sweat;" who would've thought it'd turn out to be EVEN LESS APPETIZING THAN IT SOUNDS?

GROSS, Iron Chef. I know you're all Japanese and stuff but COME ON. Suckling pig, abalone, those eels whose heads you have to nail to the cutting board so they won't wiggle away while you're trying to DISSECT THEM ALIVE, natto; all of this stuff is ok. But seriously. "The Lady's Sweat"? Snail spooge? Gross.

Relatedly, I volunteer "waugh!" as the interjection for situations of mingled bafflement and disgust. As in:
"Yo dude, I just shotgunned a beer that'd been sitting out open since Saturday!"
"Waugh! Why would you fucking do that?"

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